Will anyone ever know me?

Ive always known love is the most divine thing. All my life, all I ever wanted was to be loved and known. Because of that I always gave everything I ever had in love. At 20 I met a man who I married soon after, and I gave my entire being to him. For 12 years, I gave him everything I had. Even my partners before that, I loved them as much as I could, but every one has always ended up hurting me. My love has never been enough, not even when I gave everything I had. I’ve never been good enough, or loved back like I have given. Never been understood, never been seen, not really. When my husband’s veil lifted last year, my world went dark. I didn’t ache for the love I gave or the hurt he caused, I ached for never being able to be loved back despite giving everything I had and becoming a shell of who I was. I ached for the girl I used to be before being hurt over and over till I could barely feel anymore. When it ended I felt it all in one go. Sometimes I feel so alone. Like, no one out there even knows who I am. Like no one even cares to find out. And I’m so tired that I don’t even want that anymore. Because that expectation that someone will, has cost me my soul. Sometimes I feel so tired, that I don’t even want to live anymore. There are days when I don’t see the point in anything. Not because I don’t love my life, or that I’m not grateful for everything I do have, because I am. Just because I’ve been tired of not being seen for my soul. I’m tired of hoping someone will, because no one’s even come close. Sometimes I think, maybe it’s just me. Maybe I’m just not meant to be seen, or loved the way I’ve always yearned for. Maybe I’m just stupid to think I’ll ever be.

Written by - Anonymous